slowsand: Hi Emily. Long-time reader, first-time asker. My sister's marriage of nine years has just come to an end and she's miserable. To the best of my ability, I've been trying to give her honest channels to express herself, but at what point is letting her relive her frustration enabling her to run through self-destructive programs? And when am I allowed to say her depression is bumming me out? Thank you sincerely.
You are never allowed to tell someone you care about that their depression is bumming you out. Depression is a selfish disease, and depressed people can be bummers to be around, but it’s her depression that’s bumming you out, not her. Band together with her against her depression, rather than telling her she’s bumming you out.
Also, just so you know, depression is an abnormal response to normal situations. Going through a marriage dissolution is an abnormal situation, and being depressed about it is normal. It’s a normal, natural response to something extremely traumatic. Depression is only diagnosed after separations if at least five or six months have passed. That’s how seriously the mental health field takes divorce.
Encourage your sister to see a therapist, if she isn’t already, especially if she seems to be stuck in the same area of processing her divorce. A therapist can help kick her out of the mud she’s in, moreso than telling her she’s bumming you out. She will be self-destructive for a bit, she might get a bit slutty, and she might just be a total downer for a while.
Your job is to be supportive and tell her about all the fun shit you’re going to do once she’s processed all this and gotten the hang of it. Remind her to hope.
Emily speaks the truth about depression.
Today is a good day. I just had a call from a telemarketer. Did I yell and scream at them, you ask? Certainly not. Like a good IT administrator I put my skills to use for their benefit. Here’s how the conversation went:
Computer: “Press 9 to not be contacted in the future. Press 4 to speak to someone about your mortgage issues”
TM: “Hello, are you having problems paying your mortgage?” Me: “Hi, this is the IT department. We intercepted your call as we detected a problem with you phone and need to fix it.” TM: “Oh… ok, well what do we need to do?” Me: “We’re going to need to fix the settings by pressing 4-6-8 and * at the same time” TM: “Ok, nothing happened.” Me: “Are you using the new Polycom phones that we deployed?” TM: “No, it’s a Yealink” Me: “Ok, I see. You haven’t had the new Polycom phone deployed to your desk yet. Let me check our technical documentations for the Yealink.” Me: “Alright, do you see an “OK” button on your phone?” TM: “Yes I do” Me: “Alright, you’re going to press and hold that button for 10 seconds.” TM: “OK, pressing it now” Me: “Perfect, let me know if you get a password request” TM: “OK, nothing has popped up ye——”
That’s right. I made a telemarketer unwittingly factory reset his phone which means he will be unable to make anymore calls until someone is able to reconfigure his phone and that will take at least an hour or longer if they can’t do it right away! “
so my plan for halloween is to dress up as a Nazgul with my black horse and go trick or treating but instead of saying “trick or treat” i’ll either scream or hiss “Bagginssssssssss, Shhhhhhhire” and then ransack their villages in my search for the One Ring
i was joking